i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
