Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
