she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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