I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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