You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
