so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
