i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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