My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
