I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
