once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
