So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
