The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
