well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
