i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
