Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We had sex on a dog bed..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
