is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
