think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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