Where is the hickey?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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