we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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