You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
