There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, beer. Big fan.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
