pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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