if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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