im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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