all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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