I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
