My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
