she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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