Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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