from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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