Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
