so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
