I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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