your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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