3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
