Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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