For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
