**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
