All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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