Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
