I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
