we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
