Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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