u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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