Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
