WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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