is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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