Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still have a little drunk in my system
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
