Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
