ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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