just tell him i said nine months
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
