He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
