Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
